How can last nights fire be mended?
Sitting under the shadow; observing the sunlight beam on its leafs.
Tranquility for the moment, but the heat will return.
It’s grand entrance will be marked by depression.
Professionals are sought. Doesn’t seem to make a difference.
Temptations derive, but not all will fail.
How can last nights fire be mended?
All my thoughts
Scattered in the wind of light
It scares me to process
Raw
Inevitable
I’m mentally preoccupied
What if …
It catches me
Haunting the internal
While loving the external
It’s ephemeral
The curves
The melody
The taste
That form from that smile
That plays from your moving hips
That I savor from those lips
Allow me to be compendious.
It lets us notice that change is continuous,
and gives us motivation before it’s “up.”
It’s presence has evolved long before we did,
and it will remain indefinitely.
It continues even as we speak, work, sleep, or simply do nothing.
Why are we held accountable for it?
They say , “It is never to late,” but unfortunately I feel as if I am running out.
What exactly am I or are we running out of?
Is it energy? Because lord knows we all need a boost.
Unfortunately or fortunately, depends on you, it is time that we struggle with.
A ticking bomb that brings us to realization.
A realization we never came across as children.
Although life can be ever-lasting, simultaneously it is ephemeral.
We are to do nothing but live it until our “time” is up.
Being alone isn’t perceived as an option for most.
For most, happiness includes the opposite sex or maybe even a drug.
I agree, but those are not enough to placate those moments of loneliness dreaded throughout the years.
Without knowing how beautiful it is, we tend to seek anything that would supersede the past.
Capturing the essence of happiness, in my world, definitely includes the opposite sex,
But what else? It is family.
Although it is a patchy road, family makes us whole.
Well for the most of us…
It was morning when the translucent window provided the room with light
and we heeded that the night out was on repeat.
It would involve some drinks, a few walks, a nice joint, and a basement with music.
It was an opportunity to connect with not only family but a male cousin who is
open-mind analogous to Dr. Ruth, and always appreciated.
Night adventures and quality time with family definitely overrides the loneliness I once felt. Thank you for reconstructing the faith I did not have for myself.
Although you did nothing, you did something. It was those nights that helped me realize, I want to be alone.
At one point, it was needed but now I want it and it will be used on fortifying my soul.
On a sunny day the room is bright. During a humid dusk, the room is dark. On a rainy night, the room is translucent.
That moment
felt innocuous.
Albeit iniquitous,
somehow appreciated.
Why so peculiar?
It is not a commonplace.
In fact so precarious
it was choking.
Whispered into my ear
“Keep breathing.”
Being weak is not a failure
instead, it’s humanity.
“Keep breathing.”
Wake from your mental preoccupation
and discern the realism of time.
The indelible memories
are inconsequential
but further cherished.
My Lord, Your Lord, Our Lord…
I speak to you in my own words daily when I supplicate for your love. You provide it to me in a way that no one else has and in a way that no one else understands because at times I do not. I get lost in your house because it is so encouraging. It gives me the strength to continue and to believe. As you may know, Pastor Carl spoke to me indirectly last Sunday and he stated, “When your fears start to crawl back, you must look into its eyes and notify it, NOT TODAY and NOT EVER!”
I will not allow, we must not allow, and they must not allow to let these feelings come back because they are not a part of US. How do we know? We know because we are children of God and you my Lord give us the tranquility and push we need to stay positive and that is all your work.
You my Lord, as many might debunk, are an exquisite work of art and I love and will continue to eulogize you in any way or form possible, even when I am having a bad day, because I know that YOU are in control.
I put all the negative that flows through my sight into the soil because I know that one day it will come back around as a transformed positive energy. I do not need and will not let any negativity take pride in what is called my happiness. As I told fear and now I tell negative, YOU do not belong here. Not in my presence, not in my dreams, and especially not throughout my daily blessing because I only have space for the positive and courage that is given to me.
**Talk to yourself even if it sounds crazy. Comfort yourself because no one other then God will and he speaks through you. Positive energy is the key to nirvana as a Buddhist may explicitly say, the righteousness of everything you do in life will lead you right to it. Do not seek excuses because it only gratifies the one who is against our Lord. Take time out of your day to think about what you read and question whether it is worth it…
I know it is.
I want to give myself up to you the way I did with God. All this hostility only allows the devil to be happy for what he has caused. I want you to know that I’m neutral about your situation and only wanted peace for the sake of my absence, so why make me suffer your distress, the distress caused by others in your path? I want you know that I am here, down on my knees surrendering it all. I’m desperate for our connection again, the one you created in a womb. Speak to me. Communication is important but it seems like you are not capable of understanding this crucial role but I’ll be waiting until you do.
“It is not weird to enjoy pain… I only like it because it causes positive thoughts to derive that lead me to a natural state of euphoria due to the flow of endorphins running through my body. That is what makes me strive, that is what helps me continue, and that is why I am strong .”
-Priscilla Dager
